I love you so much.
I love you so much more.
Sienna couldn’t help but smile slowly when Kat said that she knew that she was her forever from day one. “You did not,” she wrinkled her nose playfully, resting her forehead against Kat’s. Still, the thought made butterflies erupt in her stomach and caused her heart to flutter in her chest. Right then, she decided that avoiding Kat wasn’t worth it if she didn’t get to feel those things. “I still remember that first day, you know. I thought you were checking me out when I first found you,” she whispered affectionately, running her hand up and down Kat’s side. “And I made up some bullshit excuse that my hand was cold so you’d keep holding it…and then the art store. That was embarrassing,” the brunette chuckled, brushing her lips briefly against Kat’s. “I think that right there is when I decided you were a keeper, when you stayed with me while I freaked out in the art store. And you stepped behind me but kept touching me until I moved away…then you kissed me,” she breathed out moments before she pressed her lips tentatively and slowly against Kat’s, forcing herself to pull back too soon. “…and you apologized. And I kissed you.” With that, she moved in for a more confident kiss, moving her hand around to rest on the back of Kat’s neck while her tongue swiped across Kat’s bottom lip, asking permission to deepen the kiss.
Nodding a bit when Kat said that they’d see where things went, Sienna lovingly traced her fingertips lightly against her girlfriend’s spine, staying silent while Kat talked about how she hadn’t been able to fall asleep while she wasn’t in her arms. Her expression softened and her heart wrenched in her chest when she heard that she had hurt Kat, pulling back from kissing her jaw to stare at Kat and when the girl looked down, she gently touched her chin to bring the girl’s eyes back to her. “I’m so sorry, baby,” she whispered, leaning in to rest her forehead against Kat’s. “I’ll never do that to you again, okay? Ever. I never meant to hurt you. I’d sooner die before I let myself hurt you again, I promise.” Furrowing her eyebrows, Sienna wrapped her arms protectively around her girlfriend before flipping them over, straddling the other girl’s hips before she started slowly grinding her hips down against hers in light circles. “I love you too, baby. More than I can put into words,” the brunette murmured sweetly, supporting her weight off of her girlfriend with her hands against the bed on either side of the other swimmer. Leaning in, she pressed a sweet kiss against Kat’s lips, eventually tipping her head and working her lips harder against Kat’s the more her own grinding affected her.
“I totally did, baby. I knew you were my forever for the second I saw you.” Kat smiled lovingly at her girlfriend and gave her an Eskimo kiss. “You thought right, cutie. I was totally checking you out when you first met me, I was just hoping that you wouldn’t notice. I kind of always check you out, it’s a habit of mine. But it’s hard not to check out someone as gorgeous as you.” All she could do was smile as she listened to her girlfriend talk. She honestly didn’t know how someone could be as cute as Sienna was, the girl was just so freaking adorable. She too remembered the first moments they had spent together. Once she had plucked up the courage to ask Sienna to hang out things had definitely changed. That’s when she decided that she would have never been happy with being just friends with the girl. “You were so cute in the art store. I loved watching in there. It was like you were in your own little world, you just lit up. that’s why I love watching you when you paint, you’re just so happy and you’re cute when you concentrate.” She let out a small mumble of discontent when Sienna pulled away from their kiss a little sooner than she would have liked. She smiled against the girls lips when she kissed her again. She parted her lips to deepen the kiss. She ran her hands up and down her girlfriend’s sides as they kissed. She let out a small moan, trying to pull her girlfriend even closer to her.
She nodded slowly and kissed her girlfriend’s nose. “Okay, but know that I’m not mad, baby. Don’t think that I’m mad at you. You didn’t know how to deal with things and I didn’t either. I know you would never intentionally hurt me. You’re perfect, Sienna.” She let out a small squeal as her girlfriend flipped them over. She bit her lip as she felt her girlfriend grind her hips down. She lifted her hips off of the bed to gain more contact with her girlfriend. She ran her hands up her girlfriend’s stomach and pulled on her shirt to pull the girl back down on top of her. She wanted to be as close as she possibly could to her girlfriend. She tangled her hand in her girlfriend’s hair, tugging on it softly. She too deepened their kiss as she continued to press herself against her girlfriend. She quickly decided that they were both wearing too many clothes. She grabbed the bottom of her girlfriend’s shirt and quickly pulled it up, only breaking their kiss so she could rid the girl of the garment. She ran her fingers up her girlfriend’s back, tracing shapes as she went along. She knew that her girlfriend was going to want to make her feel good, but right now she wanted to be in that role. She wanted to take care her girlfriend. She reached down and pulled the girl’s pants off and let them fall to the floor. “I love you so much, baby.” She moved her hands so they were resting on her girlfriend’s ass, giving it a light squeeze. “I missed you, I missed this.”
“Exactly, baby. It’s not gonna happen because of you. You stopped it,” Sienna whispered softly, feeling her heart warm over the fact that Kat didn’t even want to consider the possibility of her ever getting cancer. Thinking about it, she knew she’d be horrified if she hadn’t stopped and ended up getting cancer. She knew right away that had that happened, she would have done everything that she could to keep it from her girlfriend for as long as she could. Actually, she’d try to keep it from everyone, not wanting the people she loved to just see her as someone they should be careful around and who only had an even more limited amount of time to be alive. Shaking her head slightly to snap herself out of her thoughts, the brunette gave her girlfriend her attention again, not wanting to think about the idea of her having cancer anymore. “Okay,” she murmured with an affectionate smile, shaking her head slightly at Kat’s insistence that she was actually the best girlfriend and not the other girl. “You stole my line,” she reprimanded quietly yet playfully, running her fingers through Kat’s hair briefly before pulling the other girl in for a slow, loving kiss. Kissing the other girl had to be one of her favourite things to do. And not only that, she had certainly failed to do so all that much during the last few weeks, mostly because it was hard to find a moment to kiss her when all Sienna had been doing was avoiding her and freezing her out of her daily routine. Not anymore, she mentally told herself firmly. She needed her girlfriend if she was going to make it through this.
“You’re my forever,” Sienna countered with a lopsided smile, nodding in understanding when Kat said that she would always be there. “I know. I’m sorry for ever doubting that,” she murmured fondly, slipping her thumbs just barely under her girlfriend’s shirt to rub slow, loving circles against her bare skin. Returning the kiss, Sienna bit the tip of her tongue and focused on not letting her mind run wild when Kat mentioned taking her mind off of her sore throat. Of course, since she hadn’t had much of a chance to merely kiss Kat, anything more had been few and far between and considering how frequently they had enjoyed the physical part of their love life before, she could definitely feel the change when it came to her own frustration. “Mm, I’m not against the idea,” she smiled, parting her lips and moaning quietly once Kat started kissing her neck, well aware that her girlfriend knew that that was her weakness. Her expression softened at Kat’s next words, wrapping her arms protectively around the girl’s waist and eventually moved one hand to grab Kat’s chin gently, tipping her head up to stare intently into the girl’s eyes. “I promise I’ll never put you through waking up on your own or sleeping by yourself like that again,” she spoke determinedly. “I didn’t realize you couldn’t sleep without me like that…I’m so, so sorry, baby,” she breathed out, smoothing Kat’s hair tenderly away from her face before leaning in for a bit of a more passionate kiss.
“Exactly.” Kat smiled softly, hoping they were done with that topic of conversation. That was one topic she would be fine never discussing for the rest of her life. She knew that there was always the possibility of one of them getting sick, but they would have each other if that happened. And if it did she hoped it wouldn’t be until way in the future, that was she could have plenty of time with her girlfriend. “I like stealing your line, baby. You think you can the only one to be cheesy and cute all of the time. You just don’t give yourself enough credit.” Her words were cut off by her girlfriend’s lips against her own. It was a feeling that she had missed so much. She had always love kissing Sienna and not being able to do that sucked. Being shut out by her girlfriend had hurt more than she would like to admit. She wouldn’t tell Sienna that she was hurt as much as she was. She knew it was how Sienna was trying to make it through this. She saw that the other girl was trying not to hurt her and had accidentally hurt her. She couldn’t blame her girlfriend for trying to protect her, she loved they girl for that. She loved that her girlfriend was so caring, she was just everything Kat had ever wanted. “You’re so perfect. I knew you were my forever since the moment I laid eyes on you.” It really was true, Kat knew Sienna was special from the first day she had met her. She didn’t know in what capacity at the time, but she knew that somehow Sienna would always be in her life. And right now shew couldn’t be happier with how things turned out.
She let out a content sigh when she felt her girlfriend’s fingers on her skin. Kat couldn’t deny the fact that things beyond just kissing were on her mind. She missed being with her girlfriend, especially in that way. She had been craving feeling her girlfriend’s skin against her own. She just had missed everything about Sienna. “We’ll see where things go then, baby.” She wanted Sienna to be in control because the last thing she was going to do was push her to do something that she didn’t want to do. “You better not or I will kick your ass.” She ran her fingers through her girlfriend’s hair and let out a small sigh. “Of course I can’t fall asleep without you. When I’m in your arms I feel so safe and when you’re not there it’s hard to fall asleep. Especially when I know you’re just across the apartment. I think it would be a different story if you were somewhere else because of school, like a class trip but it was hard when I felt like you were avoiding me. I didn’t have my safe place and I didn’t know what to do. And I know you were dealing with everything but it still sucked and it hurt.” She looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with Sienna. She kind of just rambled on not really thinking about what she was saying. She just hoped that nothing she had said hurt Sienna or made her mad. She wanted things to be better from now on. They both had to stop shutting the other out when things got hard, even when they were trying to protect the other. They needed each other and that really was the bottom line. “I love you so much.”
Sienna shook her head insistently when Kat mentioned feeling like things were her fault. “Baby, nothing is your fault. You were watching out for me. If I was dying of cancer in the future, I’m sure you would have regretted it if you didn’t make me do this,” she murmured, not particularly enjoying the thought of her ever having anything like that and putting Kat through watching her slowly die. The thought of it made her heart break. “Are you sure?” She stared intently at Kat when her girlfriend said that she wouldn’t find her annoying and clingy. Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment when Kat kissed her forehead and rubbed her back, leaning into the other girl with a quiet sigh. “We’re halfway through this. Just think of it like that. Like when you’re going through a forest and the first half is you going into the forest, then the last half is technically you walking out? It’s like that.” She furrowed her eyebrows slightly in confusion at her own metaphor but quickly told herself that hopefully Kat knew what she was trying to get at. “Thank you for sticking with me and keeping me from quitting,” the brunette whispered softly, taking a moment to bury her face against Kat’s neck and tighten her arm a bit around Kat’s waist. “You’re seriously the best girlfriend anyone could ask for.”
Wrinkling her nose with delight and the familiar and severely missed sight of Kat blushing, Sienna wrapped her arm around Kat’s waist as soon as her girlfriend was against her side and held her protectively against her, instinctively relaxing into the position. “I hope it goes away soon too,” she sighed, humming curiously when Kat started moving and bit her bottom lip briefly once the other girl straddled her. Her hands immediately went to Kat’s hips, holding her where she was and rubbed slow circles with her thumbs against the other girl’s hips. “I’m so in love with you, Kat,” the painter whispered, shuddering a bit when Kat’s hands slipped under her shirt and smiled slowly at the mention of their future. “Hudson-Lopez,” she voiced quietly, arching up a bit into Kat’s touch as soon as she felt her nails on her abdomen. It took everything she had not to let her thoughts stray to the idea of Kat being naked. “I feel like I’m home,” Sienna whispered, staring intently into Kat’s eyes after a moment of thought. “I feel like I was lost and cold and now I’m warm and right where I belong again.” She shook her head a bit and sat up slightly, if only to brush her lips briefly against Kat’s before laying back down properly. “Honestly, I just feel a little sore. My throat mostly. It feels like I’m a little sick, you know? But I’m not worried, I’ve read that that can happen.”
“Don’t even talk about that. I don’t even want to think about something like that happening to you, baby. It’s not going to happen. And you’re right, it’s good that you’re quitting now.” Kat honestly didn’t want to think about Sienna getting anything like cancer. She didn’t want anything taking her girlfriend away from her earlier than she’d like. She wanted forever with Sienna and she was going to make sure that was what she would get. She couldn’t picture her life without the Hudson girl. She knew that if she ever lost her that she wouldn’t be her whole self anymore. ” I am totally sure, baby. I will never find you clingy or annoying. I will always want you around, okay?” She tried to hold back a small giggle as she listened to Senna speak. She was pretty sure she knew what the other girl was getting at, but it was pretty confusing. Though it was cute that her girlfriend was rambling which is why she wasn’t saying anything. She just ran her fingers over the girl’s stomach and listened intently. “Yeah, I guess you could see it that way, baby.” She didn’t know what else to say without giving up that she wasn’t completely confused. “I will always stick with you and make sure that you quit. I’m glad that you’re quitting, baby. I am so proud that you’re doing this. And I am the second best because you’re the best girlfriend anyone could ask for.” She honestly believed that Sienna was a better girlfriend than her but she was glad the other girl brought out the best in her.
“I’m so in love with you too, beautiful. You’re everything to me.” She smiled to herself when she felt Sienna’s hands on her hips. “I’m glad you don’t feel lost anymore, baby. I will always be here to be your home. I know we’ve been through a lot lately, but you will always have me, I can promise you that. I cannot imagine ever being without you. I don’t even like thinking about that possibility. You have my heart and I will always be here for you to come home to.” She cupped her girlfriend’s cheek and leaned down to kiss her softly. “My poor baby. Maybe there is some way that I can make you feel better, maybe take your mind off your sore throat.” She bit her lip and pressed herself down against her girlfriend. She leaned down once more and kissed her again. After breaking the kiss she starting kissing down the girl’s neck. “I missed having you around. It was like you were here, but you weren’t. I just missed you. You have to promise me that from now on you will hold me while I sleep because I cannot sleep without you holding me in your arms. And I’ve missed waking up with you being the first thing that I see every morning, and I just want that back.” She took a shaky breath and tried to calm herself down. She hadn’t really realized exactly how much she had missed Sienna untl they were like this, right now. She would always need Sienna.
Sienna smiled slightly when her girlfriend said that she didn’t mind her joining her, picking at the armrest of the couch a bit anxiously. This wasn’t how she was supposed to present herself in front of Kat, she told herself firmly when she realized how curled up on herself she was against the armrest. Before she had time to convince herself to get back up, she heard Kat tell her to come here and without a second thought, she practically lunged at her girlfriend, eager to be closer to her. Slipping an arm comfortably around Kat’s waist, she gently squeezed her girlfriend’s side, cursing the fact that they were on the couch right now because there certainly wasn’t enough room for her to try properly holding her girlfriend. Right on cue, the other girl mentioned their room and she perked up. “No, I don’t wanna nap. It’ll just…make me lose time with you. Can we go in our room anyway? It’s really hard to hold you the way I want to on the couch,” she whispered, slowly getting up and taking Kat’s hands to pull the other brunette up with her. The quick kiss had the corner of Sienna’s mouth quirking up in an almost shy smile and in kind, she leaned in to leave a more lingering kiss against Kat’s lips.
“I know, baby. I love you too. So, so much. I know it’s been way too long since I’ve said that to your face so…I’m sorry.” Brushing her messy hair back out of her face, the painter offered her girlfriend a distracted smile at her words. “Don’t blame yourself, okay? It’s not your fault at all, you’re doing all you can and I…I just don’t wanna be annoying and clingy,” she shrugged a bit. Granted, being distant wasn’t exactly better but still. Her eyes fluttered closed at the fingers brushing through her hair, leaning in for a moment to bury her face against Kat’s neck. Breathing in deeply, she curled her arms around the other girl and held her close, content to just enjoy the lack of distance for a minute. “I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered against her skin, finally pulling back once she was confident that she wasn’t going to get too emotional. Grabbing one of Kat’s hands again, she led them off in the direction of their room, letting her go only when they were inside and even then, it was just to crawl onto the bed herself and flop over onto her back. “Come here, baby. I’ve missed holding you properly,” the brunette whispered, gesturing for Kat to come join her. Briefly, her eyes traveled up and down Kat’s body. “You look beautiful in my clothes,” she pointed out quietly just as her eyes flicked back up to her girlfriend’s face, biting her bottom lip. “You’re perfect. I don’t know why you’re willingly dealing with me like this,” she sighed, scratching the back of her neck a bit sheepishly.
Kat found it adorable how her girlfriend basically leaped to be closer to her. She was relieved that Sienna still wanted to be around her. It just assured her that the girl still wanted her. She had an irrational fear that Sienna would stop wanting her, she didn’t exactly know when it would happen but sometimes she was just convinced that it would. How could someone as incredible as Sienna want her? It just didn’t seem possible, she had no idea how she had gotten so lucky. She subconsciously pressed herself as close to her girlfriend as she could. “Of course we can, baby. And you wouldn’t lose your time with me because if you fell asleep I probably would too, beautiful.” She nodded as she listened to the artist talk. She was just so sweet. She couldn’t ask for a more perfect girlfriend. “I feel like it is kind of my fault. I just want to do everything I can. And I will never find you annoying and clingy, especially now. I know that you need me and you can be as clingy as you want to be, I am not going to push you away. I am here for you, so take advantage of that.” She rubbed her girlfriend’s back and kissed her forehead. “You have nothing to be sorry for, so don’t apologize.” She understood why her girlfriend felt bad, but she didn’t want her to. She knew this was something new for both of them and they were going to be just fine, she knew that now.
Kat followed Sienna into their bedroom. She watched her climb into their bed, smiling to herself. “Oh shush you.” She blushed a little bit before joining her girlfriend in their bed. “Your clothes are just more comfortable, baby, And they were right by the bed and I was too lazy to go and find mine.” She curled up against the brunette’s side, looking up at her. “I am not just dealing with you, baby. I love being around you, no matter what. This will go away, though I hope that’s sooner rather than later.” She kissed her girlfriend’s cheek before moving so she was sitting on top of her girlfriend, straddling her. “And you’re the perfect one.” She carefully slid her hands under her girlfriend’s shirt and slowly ran them up and down the girl’s sides. “You’re so incredible. You’re doing this for us and our future babies. You are the best girlfriend I could imagine. I love that we can think our future. I just love you so much. I can’t wait until I’m your wife.” Kat couldn’t help getting ahead of herself when she thought about their future. She bite her lip and gently scraped her nails over her girlfriend’s toned stomach. “So how are you feeling? The truth, S.” She knew that sometimes her girlfriend would sugar coat things to make her feel better, but she needed to know the truth. She had done her research and she wanted to make sure that what her girlfriend was going through was what most called normal, she was worried.